His Angel
by BritishBeauty x
Summary: What if Clary and Sebastian/Jonathan had been raised together, how would things be different? THIS IS NOT AN INCEST FIC! Maybe Clary/Jace please R&R!
1. Prologue

**A/N Hi everyone! So I had this idea the other day, I was wondering what it would be like if Jonathan/Sebastian and Clary had been raised together by Valentine, so this kind of just came into my head.**

**Please enjoy it!**

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_He looked up at her sharply. "What do you think it would have been like if Valentine had brought you up along with me? Would you have loved me?"_

_Clary was very glad she had put her cup down, because if she hadn't, she would have dropped it. Sebastian was looking at her not with any shyness or the sort of natural awkwardness that might be attendant on such a bizarre question, but as if she were a curious, foreign life-form._

_"Well," she said. "You're my brother. I would have loved you. I would have...had to."_

-_City Of Lost Souls_

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Jonathan Morgenstern had always been a lonely child, he had his father of course but nobody else, though no matter how much he loved his father he couldn't help but hate him, for his strict teaching, for isolating him away from everyone and everything else, for raising the other boy, the angel boy, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't jealous of the other boy, for stealing away his father's attention, he wasn't Valentine's real son, so why should he be given attention. And most of all, he hated him for the demon blood that ran through his veins. At just four years of age he was aware of it, he had found the journals, hidden away in his father's study, he had been reading since he was 3, that was how early you learned when you were the son of Valentine Morgenstern, he knew that one day he would be evil, emotionless, but right now, he was scared. Scared of himself, and that was a lot for a 4 year old to deal with.

His father had been out all day, he had stuck to himself, the maids had tried to speak to him, ask him questions about what he wanted to do today, but he stayed in his silence. It wasn't until he was in bed that night that he heard his father's arrival, he heard as he barked instructions at a maid, and he heard as he came up the stairs and down the corridor.

Walking as quietly as he could he snuck away after his father, he was holding something but he couldn't see what, Valentine entered one of the guest bedrooms, he was confused, nobody went in there, they didn't have guests, and it was empty. It was about 10 minutes before his father left the room and walked away.

Giving in to his curiosity Jonathan snuck into the room, it was completely empty, apart from a pink crib in the centre of the room, inside fast asleep, was a toddler. A girl. She had short, red, curly hair on top of her hair, she slowly blinked open her eyes. They were bright green and wide. She looked confused, as if she didn't understand where she was. The girl looked as though she was just one or two years old.

Suddenly, she opened her mouth and began to wail. Jonathan covered his ears with his hands, she was so loud. He didn't like this baby, she was loud and would just steal more of his father's time. Why was she even here?

"Shut up baby!" he shouted,

At that moment Valentine came running in, scooping up the baby

"Honestly, be quiet Clarissa! You will have to learn!" the child, who he now knew was called Clarissa turned to look at him, she stopped crying and giggled at him. What was she doing?

He frowned at her trying to work out why on Earth she was giggling. He stopped thinking when his father turned to see what she was giggling at and saw him stood in the corner.

"Jonathan! What are you doing out of bed! And in here? Did you follow me boy?!"

"I'm sorry father. Why is there a girl here?" he sighed running around over his face

"This is Clarissa, your little sister" Jonathan gave him a sceptical look,

"Is she really? Or is she like the other boy?"

"No, she is really your little sister"

"She doesn't look like us"

"No, she looks like her mother. Your mother"

"Well where's she?"

"We've been through this Jonathan"

"Sorry father. Where did it come from?"

"By the Angel! Jonathan, she's not an it. JUST GO TO BED!" His father gave him his hard look and Jonathan quickly left the room, as he left he caught Clarissa staring at him in wonder.

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**A/N So it's quite short but it's just the prologue, so shall I continue? Please review!**


	2. First Rune

**A/N So I couldn't help it and I spent my time writing another chapter, and uploaded it today!**

**Please enjoy it!**

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Jonathan was sat in the library reading a book, it had been a week since his little sister had arrived and his father had been around more, looking after the baby, but now he was gone; again.

So far he had managed to avoid having any contact with Clarissa.

Until now.

One minute he was reading his book, concentrating hard to get the words right, the next one of the maids were coming in, with Clarissa.

"Master Jonathan, I need you to watch your sister for just 2 minutes,"

"What? Why can't someone else do it?"

"Your father wants you to get to know your sister"

"No"

"I'm also under strict orders to use force if you start playing up Jonathan"

"Sorry" she placed Clarissa on the floor next to his window seat and left the room, he looked down at the infant who was staring back at him with wide eyes.

"What?" a giggle slipped past her lips

"Why do you keep doing that?" she put her arms in the air

"What do you want?" she just stretched them out further and started to whimper

"Why can't you talk?!" he shouted at her, she started to cry

"By the Angel!" he picked her up and she stopped crying, looking into his eyes, she grinned and started patting his face. He grinned back, from this angle she was really quite cute. He felt himself grow attached to the little girl and this time when she giggled, he smiled at her.

"Hi!"

"Hi!" she shouted back, her voice was sweet and innocent

"So you can talk" she nodded, her fiery hair bouncing "How old are you?"

"Two!" so that was 2 years younger than him "Are you my bruvva?" he grinned at her mispronunciation of the word brother

"That's not how you say it"

"What are you reading?"

"The Shadowhunters codex"

"What's a shadowhunter?"

"It's what we are, we hunt demons"

"What's a demon?"

"Something evil"

"So we're good people" and with a sad smile he told her

"You are"

**3 years later**

"Jonathan, Jonathan" he groaned and opened his eyes. His sister was standing there in her pyjamas, clutching her teddy bear to her chest.

She was 5 now and had gotten kind of attached,

"What?"

"I had a bad dream"

"What about?"

"Tomorrow" Oh, tomorrow she got her first rune. It wasn't right, she was only 5, it had been one thing when he had been marked early, but she was just a little girl, only half the age she should be to get her first rune.

"It'll be ok, it only hurts a little bit, but don't cry ok, I'll be there, father will be so happy I you don't cry and are brave. So will I." It wasn't like him to comfort anybody, in fact with everyone else he had started to develop a hard, cruel personality, but he still had a soft spot for his sister. He just hoped that he'd never turn cruel towards her.

She nodded, her red hair, now reaching just past her shoulders bounced around

"Ok"

"And think, afterwards Isabelle and Alec Lightwood are coming around and we're going to do whatever you want to do to celebrate"

"Like a party?" her features brightened

"Yeah"

"Will father be there?"

"Of course" she smiled, a wide smile, she had a gap where she'd lost one of her teeth

"Jonathan…"

"Yeah?"

"Can I sleep in here tonight?"

"Sure" he picked her up and tucked her up, he went to roll back over but she grabbed his hand in one tiny one and sucked her thumb with the other.

"Night Clarissa"

"Night Jonathan"

**Next Day**

Clarissa sat in the dining room, in a large armchair. She was wearing a long, vivid red dress, her wild hair was tamed into a plait, tied with a red ribbon. Her brother was sat on the floor next to her holding her hand and her father was on the other side stroking her hair.

There was a single silent brother, one who was on their father's side, one who trusted him. She could never understand why her father didn't act like all the other shadowhunters, why they never visited the city of glass, Alicante. She'd seen the photos and it was beautiful, but she's never gotten to go.

The silent brother held her arm and began to draw the voyance rune on the back of her hand, it was painful but her father soothingly stroked her hair and she squeezed her brothers hand.

She knew that with everyone else he was cold and mean but he was her big brother, and he was always nice to her.

Finally, he pulled away and it was over, 5 seconds and all pain was gone. She admired her rune,

"It's beautiful"

"And it will be there forever" said her father, he picked her up in his arms "Now you get to have fun" she smiled and clapped her hands "Such a brave girl" he took her into the huge room that was usually used for playing in. On the table was a big pile of presents.

She jumped down and squealed, hugging her brother, then she ran to the table, a big smile on her face. Valentine kneeled down and handed her a box.

"Can I open it?"

"Sure" she carefully peeled back the wrapping paper, careful not to actually rip it, inside was a rectangular, leather box, she opened it and wrapped in silk was a stele, a beautiful with pretty patterns trailing all around it. Her eyes lit up and she threw her arms around her father's neck.

"I thought that now you have your first rune, you could use a stele"

"Thank you father!" the front door bell rang and he went to go and answer it, leaving her with her brother.

"I did it Jonathan! I did it!" he smiled at her

"I know, you were so brave, well done sister" she hugged him

"I love you Jonathan"

"I love you too" at that moment Isabelle Lightwood, her best friend came running in and they both hugged

"Let me see it!" Clarissa showed her the rune, and Isabelle gasped, "It's so pretty!" Alec came in a few seconds later and Jonathan snuck off into a corner to read, he liked to isolate himself, and everybody else was fine with it, they all found him to be mean and heartless, but they didn't see him when he was around Clarissa.

They didn't know about the demon blood.

They didn't know that it wasn't his fault.

She opened her presents and for that Jonathan joined in, there were a mixture of shadowhunter and ordinary presents. Her first present was the family ring which she put straight on, her own copy of the shadowhunters codex, books about demons and downworlders, weapons like a kindjal, seraph blades and iron bracelets, she even had witch light.

She then had the normal presents such as clothes and toys.

It was the best day she had, Valentine had the maids take her presents to her bedroom and they ate cakes and sweets, she played with Isabelle and Alec, even convinced Jonathan to join in for a little while.

At the end of the day as she was going to her bedroom, her brother caught up to her

"Clarissa!" she stopped and turned to face him, when he caught up he presented her with a present, it was a sketchbook with pencils and paints, it was her favourite present.

"Thank you Jonathan!"

"Anything for my little sister" he gave her a big hug "I mean it, I'll always protect you"

"And I'll always protect you" he laughed, finding her declaration both funny and sweet

"I'm sure you will"

That night she had a peaceful sleep, with no nightmares, she knew there was nothing to be afraid of because her big brother would protect her, and nothing could get past him, he was Jonathan, nothing could ever take him away from her.

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**A/N I hope you like it, if anyone has any ideas on what should happen I will be happy to take suggestions, I wanted to put Alec and Izzy in it, because I wanted to write what I think it would have been like between all of them if she had known them since she was young aswell. Thank you to the few people that favourited and thank you iohito for reviewing. Please tell me what you thought everybody!**


	3. Golden hair

**A/N Sorry about the long wait!**

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Clarissa sat down under a big oak tree, writing in her diary, it was such a mundane thing to do, yet she loved it. She knew to hide it well, her father would think it was a weak gesture.

It was the day after her fourteenth birthday, and instead of training with her brother, she was here. She knew Jonathan wouldn't tell father, he knew what would happen, though recently he had been changing, acting differently, ever since his sixteenth birthday he had been acting…different. But he was still her brother, and she still loved him.

She could remember a few years ago, when she would go to him at night if she needed comforting and he would be there, sweet and safe. Her Jonathan, her brother. Now he was just different.

She opened the doors that were in the ground, inside was everything she couldn't have in the house, human things, sentimental things. Pictures she had found of her mother, locked away, her old music box, old diaries and of course her current one. She kept it locked and the key on a necklace that she never took off.

"Clarissa!" she heard her brother's voice in the distance

"I'm coming!" she ran as fast as she could to her brother, she was faster than other shadowhunters, not as fast as Jonathan though.

"Yeah?"

"Get changed into your gear"

"Where are we going?"

"Paris"

"Wow!"

"Don't get too excited sister, we're only there to hunt demons"

"I will get excited if I want to"

"I don't really care, just go get changed"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Don't get cheeky Clarissa" his eyes darkened

"Fine! But I'm saying goodbye to Izzy fir-" he closed a hand around her wrist, his eyes were so black you she couldn't tell the difference between the pupil and iris anymore.

She tried to tug her hand away "Jonathan you're hurting me, let go"

"Do as I say Clarissa"

"Jonathan, get off me"

"No"

"Who are you? Because you aren't my brother, actually you're acting a hell of a lot like father" he let go of her wrist as if it had burnt him, his eyes returning to their normal colour,

"Clarissa I'm sorry" rubbing her wrist she ran back to the house and changed into her gear, she put her stele into her pocket, and her weapons in her weapons belt.

She then climbed put of her window and ran into the woods, she just wanted some time to clear her head, what had happened back there? She had seen Jonathan get like that with others but never her.

She walked for about 5 minutes until she realised that she was lost.

100% lost. She forgot that she was mad, and got scared, she wanted her big brother.

"Jonathan! Jonathan where are you?!"

She ran, and kept running, until she broke out of the woods into a large clearing, there was a large manor close to her. A boy about 15 walked out, his hair was golden, his eyes; golden. Wow.

The only boys she'd ever met were her father, brother and Alec Lightwood, this boy was beautiful, she forgot about being lost, she forgot about Paris and the demons she had to hunt. She found herself walking towards him.

"Hi!" she shouted, he turned his head to look at her

"Hello?" she walked over "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Actually I'm kind of embarrassed, I'm lost"

"Lost?"

"Yes, I'm lost, so what?"

"You're supposed to be a shadowhunter"

"How would you know?" he frowned

"Well you're in Idris, mundane can't get here, and you're in gear" he looked at her like she was stupid, she kind of felt stupid

"Oh, right, yeah"

"I'm Jonathan" she stared at him

"That's my brother's name"

"Well it's mine too. What's yours?"

"Clarissa" he grinned and she felt like she was melting

"That's a pretty name" holy crap, he was so hot, she noticed his bags

"Where are you going?"

"Well, I'm moving in with some people, my father hasn't been around for a long time and so the Lightwoods are taking me in"

"The Lightwoods? As in Isabelle and Alec Lightwood?"

"Yeah, you know them?"

"Isabelle's my best friend"

"So I guess we'll see more of each other" she smiled

"I guess so"

"Clarissa!"

Shit.

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**Jonathan's P.O.V**

"Clarissa" he banged on his sister's door, she was acting like a brat, though he couldn't blame her, he had let the demon blood take over. He had been stupid to think it didn't count where his little sister was concerned, now she would hate him too.

"Clarissa!" nothing. "I'm coming in" he opened the door. The room was empty, the window open; she was gone. He growled. Where the hell was she?

He stormed out of the house, there were footsteps below her window, leading into the woods, he knew from experience that if you were mad or sad that you could easily get lost in there.

"Damn it Clarissa" he stormed in there, thankfully, there were a trail of footsteps that he could follow.

They were leading towards the Wayland Manor, towards the angel boy. He knew that the Lightwoods were taking him in to live with them, hopefully he was already gone and Clarissa wouldn't find out about him.

He was out of luck, there she was, talking to him.

"Clarissa!" he shouted

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**Clarissa's P.O.V**

"Who's that?" Jonathan asked her

"My brother. I have to go" she turned and went to walk away

"Wait." she looked at him "Will I see you again?"

She quickly looked over to Jonathan and then ran over to the golden haired boy

"Do you know where those old ruins are in the woods, by the caves?"

"Yeah"

"Meet me there. 5pm. Saturday" he smiled

"I'll see you then" she ran down towards her brother.

He was mad.

"What the hell were you doing? Running off"

"I'm sorry" she said, he carefully hugged her

"I worry about you"

"That's because you're my big brother, you're supposed to"

"Come on, we still have to go hunting"

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**A/N It wasn't the best, but I wanted to get this out, please review. Next chapter Clary and Jonathan/Sebastian go hunting.**


	4. A Little bit of Hunting

**Disclaimer for all chapters: I do not own the Mortal Instruments or any of it's characters.**

**A/N So sorry for the long wait but I've been working on a new story, it's only a short chapter, like extremely short but I wanted to get something out. It's really just a filler, apart from the end.**

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Clarissa had always wanted to go to Paris, and secretly after hearing her always talk about going one day, it had come to be something he wanted to do aswell. Something about the wonder in her voice as she spoke of it, made it seem like a wonderland, like everything would be better, no demons, no downworlders. Of course Paris didn't seem so beautiful when you and your little sister were covered in demon guts, blood matted in her hair.

If it was just him, this would have been a heaven, there was something about seeing the pain in a demon's eyes as it died. But his sister was here, and seeing her hurt killed him. She really was the only thing that he held any emotion towards, he didn't want her to be here, but he knew she had to be; she was a shadowhunter. It was her duty.

"Come on. I need to wash the blood out of my hair" his sister called. Of course, in the middle of hunting demons and she needed to wash her hair. She had spent too much time around Isabelle.

"You can do that later Clarissa"

"Look Jonathan, you need an Iratze-" she looked at him "-Or ten. I need some, and though you might be able to Mr Demon blood, I can't, not with this,"

She lifted up the side of her shirt to show a huge, gaping wound, spurting out blood.

"By the angel. Fine. But we have to hurry up," he snapped

Clary's P.O.V

She was walking just behind Jonathan, trying to hard not to limp, she was clamping her teeth down hard on her bottom lip, trying not to make any sound that would show her pain.

She couldn't show weakness, not in front of Jonathan, he wouldn't be pathetic about a wound, no matter how bad. Neither would her father.

_Come on Clarissa. Grow a pair._

But she couldn't help, the little hiss that escaped through her lips. Of course, her brother heard.

He turned.

"Clarissa are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine"

"Come on" he slung my arm around his shoulders and helped me walk to a hotel, where he booked a room, somehow the lady behind the desk didn't notice the blood on his clothes, he helped me to the room.

I grabbed my stele and drew some iratzes on my body, feeling instant relief.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay"

"I'm gonna go take a shower"

"Kay" he walked away and she was alone. She let out a sigh. She loved her brother she really did but sometimes, it was hard to be around him, he wasn't carefree, and you always had to be careful with what you said. The atmosphere in whatever room he was in, was intense. But it wasn't his fault. It was father's.

But then again, he never knew things would turn out this bad, there's no way, even he wouldn't do this to his own son.

Her mother probably would. She'd heard the stories, she'd heard about how she hated Jonathan and had abandoned both of them without a second thought, she knew what had happened. Her mother had left her father for a werewolf. She didn't hate downworlders, not like her father. But still, it was her fault that her father had become hard and cold.

With a sigh she got up and went to the other bathroom, she took a long hot shower, luckily she had spare gear that she changed into, she dried her hair and put it back into a ponytail. Cleaned her weapons and put them back into her weapons belt. She left the room and found her brother.

"Finally. Come on" They put on glamour runes and left.

…

She ducked as the demon swung it's talons at her, she raised her dagger and cut off it's leg, it fell to the floor and she stabbed it repeatedly in the throat until it disappeared.

There was a hiss behind her, she spun and cut of it's head.

She was so busy fighting the next one she didn't see the ravener demon jump down on top of her, she tried to fling it off but it dug it's teeth inside of her shoulder.

Jonathan yanked it away and stabbed it, a strange look of glee in his eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure" his face snapped towards her, the glee in his eyes turning to concern.

"Clarissa-"

"I'm going down" darkness enveloped her, and she crashed to the ground.

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**A/N I hope you all liked it, please review! Oh and i've changed my name on here, it was RainySmithCullenSalvatore X now it's BritishBeauty x**


	5. Nothing's the Same, Not Anymore

**A/N HI! I don't know what to say apart from thank you to the people who reviewed! I don't own the characters or The Mortal Instruments that all belongs to Cassandra Clare.**

**Please Enjoy!**

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Nononononononononononononononono. NONONONONO! This couldn't be happening, it had to be a dream. No, not a dream, a nightmare.

Clarissa was limp in his arms, head lolling back, eyes clamped shut, her heart was slow, as was her breath.

It wasn't possible, if someone deserved to die it was him, he was evil, a killer; cold blooded. Everything she wasn't, she was sweet and kind, not a bad bone in her body. He could clearly remember the day when they had found a puppy, trapped and bleeding in some brambles, he ha wanted to leave it, or kill it. She had told him off, crossed her arms and glared at him until he turned back. He couldn't leave her, she would have gotten lost, at the time she was only 8. But still she had taken the puppy back to the house cleaned it up, bandaged it. Fed it an gave it water, nursed it back to health and released it near a house.

All before father could return and find it.

She didn't deserve to die, she just didn't. She was the only person who hadn't given up on him, he dreaded the day that she finally would, now she was dying. What would he do without her?

Three days. Three days and nothing. She wasn't getting any better and she wasn't getting any worse. She hadn't woken up, nothing was working. It was driving him insane.

He still remembered the day when he brought her home, their father was home early, thank God. This was the first time he was truly glad to see him. Of course he couldn't know that.

He still remembered how the silver haired man's eyes widened, and how his mouth dropped slightly in horror. He had snatched Clarissa out of his arms, cradling her, and rushed her away, to her bedroom, lying her gently on the bed.

He turned to Jonathan, eyes hard and accusing, of course he had automatically assumed that he had done something wrong, nobody seemed to understand that even though he had no problems hurting anybody else, he would never harm his little sister or let anybody touch a single hair on her head.

"What happened?!" he had snapped

"Ravener demon, she didn't see it, I was distracted, I got it off of her, but it bit her shoulder" he made sure his tone was indifferent, but inside he was shaking. "She'll be fine, just a little bite. Otherwise she clearly isn't shadowhunter material" his voice was cold and hard.

He couldn't let anyone know that he cared about her, he just couldn't.

"Get out now" Jonathan had walked away to the library, it was his secret place. The maid Rachel came in.

"Master Jonathan" she greeted

"What?!" He may have cared about his sister, but everyone else could go to hair,

"Does your sister need anything?"

"How would I know? Come on Rachel don't be stupid. Oh wait, that's all you can do"

"Jonathan, your father would surely have something to say if he knew about your constant insulting of the staff"

"See there you go being stupid again. My father doesn't give a crap about worthless bitches. Get out"

Her face saddened, but she nodded and left. Good riddance.

All of that had happened three days ago, and still she hadn't woken. His father waltzed in,

"Jonathan"

"Father"

"How is she?" there was worry in their father's eyes, and for the first time in his life he saw fear in those black orbs.

"Don't act like you care Jonathan, I am not in the mood"

"I _do_ care! Don't you dare say I don't because you know I do!"

"I don't have time for this today, Clarissa needs rest"

"Then I'll stay with her"

"No" he pushed him out of the door, "I think you should go and train"

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"ARGH!" he kicked a tree, again and again and again, he flung a sword and it sunk it's way into to the trunk.

A rabbit came hopping past and he squashed it with his boot (**I really didn't want to put that, but you know, I have to make him seem as crazy as I can for future chapters), **he felt no remorse as he watched it struggle for breath and die, in fact he felt a smirk grace his lips, this was him, screw everyone, and screw his sister for trying to make him care.

He didn't.

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Her eyes fluttered open, oh God her head hurt like hell.

What. The hell. Happened.

Oh that's right, it all came back to her, Paris, the demons, the ravener, the bite, Jonathan.

Where was he? She groaned and a hand grabbed hers. She turned her head. It was her father.

But he shouldn't be here. Ravener bites should leave someone comatose for what 3 days at the most, he shouldn't be back for about a week.

He'd come back; for her.

"Daddy"

"Hey" he looked different, no hard exterior, this was the father she had always dreamed of, when who stayed with her while she was sick. One who was there.

He was gently stroking her hair.

"How do you feel?"

"Not good, but I can deal with it" she smiled slightly

"That's my girl"

"Where's Jonathan?"

"He's training in the woods" she must have looked disappointed because he spoke with on of the maids and she returned a few minutes later with her brother.

He looked relieved to see her, but quickly masked it away.

"Hey"

"You ok?" it was short, sharp. Not like her brother.

"Yeah" her father's phone rang

"I'll be right back" he kissed her forehead and left

"So do I get a hug?" he stared at her

"Jonathan what's wrong?"

"Nothing" he walked over and gave her a quick hug, but it wasn't the same. This was it wasn't it. The demon blood was taking over.

And she was losing her brother.

* * *

It had been a week since she had woken up, her father had left that morning, she was training and Jonathan was acting weird.

There was one person who she wanted to talk to, the other Jonathan, the golden one.

She must have walked for about an hour, but when she got up there, the door wasn't answered. She walked in, the place was deserted.

He had gone to New York. So had Isabelle and Alec.

They were all gone.

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**A/N Please review! Pretty please with a cherry on top! **


	6. Tears Never Stop Falling

**A/N I know I like just updated but I don't know how long it will be until I can update again because my laptop is being a bitch, and overheats every 20 minutes, so…yeah.**

**Anyway I don't own the characters or The Mortal Instruments, that all belongs to Cassandra Clare!**

**Please enjoy!**

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This couldn't be happening it just wasn't fair. She couldn't lose all of them.

Before she knew it she was running, running straight to the Lightwood's house and banging on the door.

Nobody answered, it was all quiet, tears started falling down her face and then; the door swung open.

Robert Lightwood. Thank God they were still here.

"Clarissa, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, ummm" she wiped her eyes "Is Isabelle here?"

"I'm sorry honey, they've all gone ahead to New York,"

"Oh"

"Don't worry we'll all visit"

"Yeah, ok" she turned and ran.

She couldn't deal with this, she just couldn't, the tears were falling more heavily now, cascading down her face, she could taste their saltiness as some landed on her lips. Finally she could run no more and her legs buckled beneath her.

Isabelle had been like her sister, always there, she told her everything even the things that she couldn't tell her brother and vice versa.

Growing up isolated had meant that there weren't many people you could be friends with, she wouldn't have another.

Alec had been like a second brother, not quite as good as her actual brother, but still. They had both been there when Jonathan was in a mood and her father wasn't anywhere to be seen.

And Max. He adored her. He was the cutest little kid, he would probably forget her.

She couldn't take this, especially with Jonathan acting strange. This wasn't like his other moods, this time she got the feeling that he would never be exactly the same again.

And then there was the other Jonathan. His golden hair, golden eyes, handsome face and his charming personality. She had only met him once but she couldn't help but feel sad that she never get to meet him for a second time.

She exactly sure how long she had sat there, staring into the distance but darkness had taken over the sky, and the stars twinkled like diamonds.

She heard a twig snap and turned fast, it was her brother. She slumped back against her tree.

"What do you want?"

"I don't want anything"

"What's going on with you Jonathan?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing. In fact I feel the best I've ever felt. Do you know how good it feels to not care Clarissa"

"Of course, as if it wasn't enough that I've lost everything else, I have to lose you as well. What have I done?!" she screamed at the sky.

"Oh stop with the dramatics, I'm better this way, and you know it" her head was shaking, her entire body was shaking.

"No. You aren't I know you're still there, my brother is still in there. He has to be" her voice broke.

"No" he smirked "He isn't" that did it, she couldn't do it, she screamed and her shoulders shook with huge sobs. Her heart was breaking, everything and everyone she had ever loved was gone. She couldn't take it, she just couldn't.

When would everyone stop hurting her.

"No. No. NO!" she would have thought that she would run out of tears, but they just kept coming.

"Clarissa" she looked up at her brother

"What?" his eyes softened and it seemed like he realised just what he had done

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" he hugged her and after pushing for a minute she let him

"I'm sorry. I promise you I won't hurt you again" but even he knew that was a promise he couldn't keep.

* * *

She had fallen asleep and he had carried her home and had tried to lay her in her bed but she had woken up.

"Jonathan"

"Hello sleeping beauty"

"What happened?"

"I was an ass, you started crying, and then you fell asleep"

"Oh" A look of realisation "Oh" And then a few more tears escaped her eyes

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"Yes there is" he wiped a tear away, "What happened"

"They're gone, the Lightwoods. They left Idris, they've gone to New York"

"I'm sorry"

"No you aren't, you never liked them"

"But you did" It didn't take long for her to fall back asleep.

* * *

Valentine's P.O.V

Secretly, he hated leaving his children. Secretly, he hated that he had experimented with the demon blood. Secretly, he sometimes wished that he had never led the uprising. Secretly, he hated that Jocelyn, sweet, beautiful Jocelyn, hadn't helped raise their children. Secretly, he hated that one day he might lose his precious daughter. Secretly, he hated that he really did care about her.

Secretly; he hated himself.

He had almost lost Clarissa. She had almost died, and for the first time he was genuinely scared. He had been terrified.

He knew that she deserved better than the life she had given her.

Sure, she had been trained into an excellent shadowhunter, and had liven a life of luxury, one day she would be a queen, he had a plan, and she would be better of afterwards.

But he knew that being isolated, had been killing her, he had let the Lightwoods be there, had let her become friends with Isabelle and Alec. Honestly, he had kind of hoped that it would help Jonathan as well.

But it didn't.

* * *

**Jace's P.O.V**

New York; was different, different to anywhere he had ever known. Ever since he had met her, he hadn't been able to get her off of his mind.

Sure Izzy was getting to be like a sister, and Alec a brother, but still he couldn't stop thinking about Clarissa.

He knew that the Lightwood's knew her, Isabelle was her best friend. He had asked all of them about her, but when it came to that family, they all just shut up. Even Max.

He would find out what they were hiding.

* * *

**A/N Ok so, thank you for everyone who reviewed it really helps, so please review!**


	7. Birthday Wishes

**A/N I'm back with another chapter! So I've been feeling a little depressed lately, I don't know if any of you have seen the vampire diaries before, but my favourite character just died, so I kind of lost my muse for a few days, then she came back but I had a load of homework. But it's here, chapter 6! I do not own the characters or the mortal instruments!**

* * *

"Happy 15th birthday!" her eyes fluttered open and she rubbed her hand across her face. Then she realised.

"BY THE ANGEL!" she jumped up "It's my birthday!" she was fifteen! She was giggling and clapping her hands like crazy.

It was one year on from when she had been bitten by a ravener demon and the Lightwoods had left. Normally on her birthday she would open presents from her brother and father, then later on Isabelle and Alec would come around.

This year, everything was going to be different, the morning would be the same, and she would still get a day off from training, but her friends wouldn't be there.

Her father was letting her choose what she wanted to do for the day. And she knew.

She wanted to do something mundane with her family. Like, watch a movie, or anything, she just wanted to get she had angel blood for a day. She _was_ proud to be nephilim, and she wouldn't want to be human ever.

But that didn't mean she didn't want a break from fighting demons for her birthday.

She knew her father was leaving later that day but she knew one thing she wanted to do. Just with her brother.

She wanted to portal to New York, have fun and…maybe, see Isabelle.

Hopefully; he would say yes.

Jonathan was stood at the end of her bed grinning. He was seventeen now, and she didn't really like how he was almost an adult now. She was scared of him leaving her.

"Come on" he grabbed her hands and pulled her out of bed and down the stairs.

"Jonathan, let me get changed first. Argh, my hair is a mess. Jonathan!" he laughed as he carried on dragging her, it was the most carefree she had seen him in ages.

They ended up in the grand dining room, the table had a huge pile of presents on it. Jonathan handed her a small one that he had in his pocket.

It was beautifully wrapped in pink with black ribbon.

It was a locket, heart shaped and silver, it was stunning.

"Thank you" she gave him a big hug, and opened her other parents.

"So Clarissa, have you thought about what you want to do today"

"I have"

"And?"

"Well, I was thinking all night and I realised it would be very funny to watch you two trying to bake a cake"

"So what are you saying exactly?" Her father asked warily whilst her brother looked borderline afraid.

She grinned.

"I'm saying ditch the suit daddy and put on an apron. Pretty please"

"By the Angel, the things I do for you"

"Yay!" she looked at her brother "Jonathan, will you bake a cake"

"No"

"Do you mean yes?"

"No"

"But you really mean yes"

"No, I don't think I do"

"Don't lie Jonathan"

"Father!"

"It's your sister's birthday, I think the rule is that she has authority today"

"Oh that is so not fair"

"Don't whine Jonathan. Men don't whine"

"But…they bake cakes?"

"Apparently yes"

"I have another request" she said in a small voice

"Go on"

"I know you have to go later but can I visit New York?"

"I don't know Clarissa"

"Just listen, I've been to every other major city, I've been to London, Paris, Rome, Tokyo, Hong Kong, I have literally been _everywhere_ apart from New York. Please. I never got to say goodbye to Isabelle because I was unconscious and that's where all the Lightwood's are living. Please daddy"

He sighed, and she knew this was him giving in. "Fine; but. Jonathan has to stay with you at all times and if you see any downworlders, demons or even any shadowhunters that aren't the Lightwoods you come straight back"

"But why? You know we can easily fight demons"

"It's not just the demons, I know people currently living in New York who I can't risk running into either of you"

"Ok I promise I won't leave Jonathan and if I see anyone that isn't a mundie I'll come back. But I can go?"

"Yes you can go" she squealed

"Thank you!" she gave him a big hug.

"If Jonathan agrees" she spun on her brother

"Please"

"Yeah I'll take you" he smiled and she gave him a big hug.

"Now I'm going to get changed. I need to be dressed well I'll probably never see either of you baking again" they both grimaced.

* * *

This had to be the funniest thing she had ever seen in her life. Her father and brother both wearing aprons, trying to work out how to bake a cake. They had traded in steles and seraph blades for whisks and oven gloves.

And it was probably the very best thing her eyes would ever see. Or so she thought.

The cake they made was fucking awesome. Pardon her French.

In what world was it fair that they were both badass shadowhunters and yet amazing at baking.

"Someone's been practicing"

"That's not even funny Clarissa" her brother said

"Actually I think it's very funny. How are you so good at baking?"

"I'm good at everything" Her father put fifteen candles in the cake and lit them

"Happy birthday Clarissa, make a wish"

She had no idea what to wish for, because really, she had everything she wanted, so she went with something totally lame and cliché.

_I wish this year would be amazing_.

See, totally lame.

She had managed to coerce them into watching a film and by the time it finished it was about five o'clock.

"Oh no, I have to go get changed"

"You're already changed"

"Yeah, but I'm going to New York. If I see Izzy we all know she'll kill me if I turn up in normal clothes"

"Oh, of course"

She ran upstairs and got changed into a turquoise dress, cropped leather jacket and knee high boots. She was ridiculously excited.

She came down the stairs, her father was about to leave.

"There you are, I have to go now"

"Ok"

"Happy birthday"

"Thanks daddy" she hugged him, he could be an as sometimes, but she wouldn't want a different dad.

He left, and she shouted Jonathan's name when he came into the room she smiled.

"You ready to go?"

* * *

New York was just how she had imagined, it was so bright and the buildings were _so _tall.

"Wow" she said

"It's not that great Clarissa, not compared to some of the other places you've been"

"But there are so many people"

"Come on" he grabbed her hand and started dragging her away

"Where are we going?"

"Just wait" he smiled at her

He dragged her for a while

"Why can't we get a cab?"

"Because where we're going is a surprise"

"But I'm wearing heels" he turned and raised an eyebrow at her

"And whose fault is that?"

"I dunno"

They came to a stop in front off…

"Wait. Is this the New York institute?!"

"Yep" she squealed and clapped her hands, running up towards the door. She looked back and noticed her brother hadn't followed.

"Aren't you coming?"

"No. Father asked me to do something, so I'm going to come pick you up later" She smiled

"Thanks Jonathan"

"Anything for you"

She watched her brother walk away and strolled up to the door, and knocked.

It was opened by Maryse. Maryse had been like her mother as she had never really had one, whenever she needed to ask something that a girl could only ask her mother she had gone to Maryse, after all she had known her for as long as she could remember. She had tried to help Jonathan too, but when he was seven and had started acting cold to everyone else, every time the Lightwoods came to visit he would leave the house or lock himself away in the training room, depending on where she, Isabelle and Alec had been playing.

He hadn't laid eyes on a Lightwood for years and vice versa.

She had though. When she was younger she had always been with Isabelle and Alec most of the time as well. She hadn't known anybody else.

"Clarissa, sweetheart! What are you doing here? Does your father know?"

"Hi Maryse. It's my birthday remember and this was what I wanted to do this year"

"Oh that's right. Happy 15th. Where's Jonathan?"

"I don't know, father has him running an errand, but he's coming to get me later"

"Ok, come in, I'm sure Isabelle can't wait to take you around New York. Oh and you'll have to meet Jace as well"

"Sounds great" She led her towards a lift, which took them to the ground floor of the main part of the institute. She was lead down hallway after hallway until she reached a shut door.

"This is Izzy's room"

"Thanks Maryse"

She knocked on the door, and waited for an answer. She heard movement on the other side and then the door was opened by her best friend. She looked shocked to see her and then her face brightened up.

"Clary!" Izzy had decided a while ago that both of their names were too long and so they had called each other Clary and Izzy but she had decided that she would only let Isabelle, Alec and Max call her Clary.

Isabelle gave her a huge hug,

"Oh my God, what are you doing here?! How are you here?!"

"It's my birthday remember, I get to do what I want and I chose this. Well ok, I may have made dad and Jonathan bake cakes earlier"

"Ah, I missed it. Happy birthday Clary"

She took a step away "We are going to have _so_ much fun! Wait here I'm going to go and get Alec and Jace" She left the room and Clary took this time to snoop around the room, if she tidied it a little bit, you know sorted out the makeup that was strewn all over every surface and put away the clothes that were all over the floor, it would be a very pretty room.

She came back about 3 minutes later with Alec and;

Oh my God…it was the other Jonathan, but he was going by Jace.

"Clary this is Jace"

"Hi Clary" Oh, so he was pretending he didn't know her, well fine

"Hi" He was just as hot as she remembered, like volcano hot.

"Hey Clary"

"Alec" she squealed and hugged him, he hugged her back. She wasn't going to lie, when she was younger she had had a huge crush on Alec, that was of course before she started seeing him as an older brother.

"Where's Jonathan?" Isabelle asked

"I don't know, father asked him to go and do something, he's coming back later to take me home"

"Oh, I haven't him since we were like seven"

"I know, I don't think you're going to today either"

"Oh well, come on Clary, I'm doing your hair"

"What not got anything bad to say about my clothes"

"No actually, you did well for once"

"Woah" she looked at Alec "Did you hear that? I got a compliment on my outfit from the fashion queen"

"Fashion queen?" Jace asked, he looked like he was trying not to laugh

"Yeah, self given title" she grinned

"Clary!" Isabelle yanked her arm, almost pulling it out of it's socket "And you two" she pointed at the boys "Get changed, you aren't getting out of this"

"Who said I'm trying to?"

"I was really talking to you Alec, you've been moody all day, now shoo, get ready"

Alec left the room, Jace followed soon after.

"Sit" she was basically thrown into a chair while Isabelle struggled to drag a brush through her hair.

"Clary when was the last time you brushed your hair?"

"Right before I left" Isabelle raised a single perfect eyebrow

"Really?"

"What?!"

"If my brush breaks, you're getting a new one"

"Oh don't exaggerate, it's not that bad"

"Yeah, yeah, sure It isn't. Nice locket by the way, birthday present?"

"Yep" she had already put some pictures in it, there was one of her and Jonathan when they were little and one of her father holding her as a baby.

"Any pictures?"

"Of course"

"Can I see?"

"No"

"Well that's just not fair" she yanked the brush through once more, and yanked out a load of hair with it, it stung like a bitch. "Sorry!"

"Jeez Izzy, I think that's enough with the brush, or I might not have any hair left"

"Now who's exaggerating"

* * *

Jace's P.O.V

So Clarissa was here, or Clary as Alec and Izzy called her, she seemed different to the last time I saw her, though that was probably because she was with people she knew, not a complete stranger.

He remembered when he first came to the Institute, he had made it his mission to find out what he could about her, but even he couldn't find out a single thing, whatever this big secret was nobody wanted him to know, even Alec wouldn't tell him, and they were like brothers.

Now he really wanted to know her, she was beautiful, and was getting more so, she was funny, and for the day that she was here, he wanted to know her.

"Dude, you ready?" Alec had come into his room

"Yeah" Clary and Izzy were already waiting, Clary hadn't changed but Izzy had clearly done something because she was looking even hotter than normal

"Come on, lets go"

* * *

Clary's P.O.V

They were taking her to a club.

Well shit.

"Iz, I don't know if I should go in there"

"Well I'll help you, you're going in"

"Yeah, but if dad or Jonathan find out, they'll kill me"

"Oh relax, they wouldn't do anything to you"

"It's Jonathan I'm worried about, dad will blame him, you know he will, I won't get in trouble and my brother will take the fall"

"Look they don't have to find out anything"

"Oh fine, but not for long"

"I promise, come on Clary, live a little" she finally gave up, throwing her hands up in surrender.

"Alright, alright"

Inside things were, loud. Yep, that summed it up. It wasn't just loud, it was bright, and crowded. And just so…

Epic.

It was a place called pandemonium, and was clearly a place for shadowhunters and downworlders aswell as humans. Now that she looked she could clearly see the black ink of a rune, or a warlocks mark.

A hand grabbed hers, it was Isabelle.

"Come on we're dancing"

They stepped into the middle of the dance floor where somehow the music was even louder, the floor was pounding, and it was the most fun she had ever had.

* * *

She couldn't have been here for more than an hour, but she had lost Izzy in the crowd and was dancing on her own.

"Hey!" she spun around and grinned when she saw Jace. She was on a bit of an energy high, hyper, drunk without the alcohol. It was great.

"Hey!"

"Wanna dance?"

"Come on then" he danced with her, moving to the music, oh good god, he was hot, it wasn't even fair, he made the centre of the earth look like the north freaking pole.

Just as she was starting to get tired, he pulled her away to sit down. Wow, and now he was a mind reader. It was quieter over here, and her ears were ringing.

"You alright?"

"Yes. No. I'm not really used to…all of this" she gestured around with her hand, he laughed, holy crap it was the hottest laugh in the world, seriously though, where was his flaw.

He sat next to her, he smelled good too.

"It's not as bad after the first few times,"

"So I take it you don't remember me" might as well just get it out there

"I remember you"

"Oh" he held her stare for a minute before changing the subject, she guessed the first thing he saw where her necklaces because the next thing he said was.

"Ok, so I get why you have a locket, but why a key?"

"Well it's a key to my secret place, can't let anybody else get it can I now?" he grinned "Oh I see"

* * *

She was home and lying in her bed thinking over her night in New York.

Her brother had come to get her about half an hour after she got back to the institute. There had been something bothering him, but she knew better than to ask him what had happened, she was in a bit of shock at that point.

_Flashback_

_She had been dancing with Jace for ages, laughing and she would be lying if she didn't admit that there had been some flirting going on._

_He had just said something completely hilarious, well it was to her at least, she was back on her energy high, and she was feeling so…bright. Like a star._

"_Do you know how cute you sound when you giggle" There it was, the monster blush that came with being a redhead._

"_And when you blush" she hid her face behind her hands and he pulled them away, his smile slowly went away,_

"_What?" before she knew what was happening he was kissing her._

Jace_ was kissing _her_!_

_This was kind of her first kiss, and oh wow it was amazing, eventually he pulled away and the realisation of what he'd done slowly seemed to dawn away._

"_I'm sorry" before she could say anything he had walked away._

He had been quiet after that and wouldn't talk to her, now she just wanted to sleep, she had decided not to tell her brother what had happened tonight. Any of it.

He walked past the door.

"Night Clary"

"Goodnight"

* * *

**A/N So it wasn't the best and the end was a bit rushed because I wanted to get this up, but you know I hope you like it. Also I need one more filler chapter so any ideas are welcome. Please review. Pretty please.**


	8. What's wrong with you?

**A/N Wow another chapter already amazing right? Even if it is kinda short. So yeah I don't own the characters or the Mortal Instruments! Sadly.**

* * *

The next day she was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. Her father was still away and would be for the rest of the week and Jonathan wouldn't mind her having a bed day today.

She couldn't stop thinking about that kiss, it was so amazing it was just…wow. Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing, she answered quickly.

"Hello?"

"Hey!" It was Isabelle "I'm just making sure you got home alright last night"

"Really? That's why you called?"

"Yes"

"Really? Even though I left with my brother through a magical portal that goes straight to my house"

"Yes, you never know anything could happen"

"See why don't I believe you"

"I really do not know"

"Izzy"

"Ok, ok. I saw you and Jace"

"Ok"

"Last night"

"Yeah…"

"At the club"

"Yes, we were all there"

"Kissing"

"…"

"Clary, you there?"

"Oh"

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"It wasn't a big deal! It just happened and then it was forgotten"

"I dunno…"

"Izzy, drop it"

"Fine, fine"

"Now, I'm tired, so I'm going to go back to sleep"

"Clary it's like midday"

"Time difference Izzy"

"Yeah, you're ahead of us"

"Oh"

"Yeah oh"

"Fine I'm getting up bye"

"Bye"

She hung up the phone got dressed and made her way downstairs, it was too late for breakfast but right on time for lunch. Jonathan was already sat at the table, lunch was served.

"There you are sleeping beauty, I was about to come and wake you up"

"What time is it?"

"It's two in the afternoon"

"Oh, well I'm still tired"

"Clarissa you've been asleep for like 14 hours"

"No! There's no way"

"Well there clearly is" he looked at her "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know you just seem a bit different"

"Oh, says you" she said jokingly

"I don't know what you mean" So he was in a good mood today

"Yes you do, last night you didn't say a single word to me until we got home"

"Well I had a lot to think about" Crap, she'd ruined it. She had to be careful when it came to him, one minute he could be carefree and happy, then someone else would come in or she'd say the wrong thing and that utter dickhead came back to the surface.

"I'm going to go and eat this upstairs" He took his plate and headed to the stairs, that was new.

"Hey Jonathan" He turned to look at her, slightly sad, what the hell was going on

"Yeah?"

"I love you"

"Love you too"

* * *

She was sat in the garden under the big tree, this was her favourite spot, it was beautiful, when it was sunny it gave enough shade to protect her from the monster amount of freckles that she knew she would get and when it was cold it still let a bit of warmth in. The view was stunning, you could see the best side of the house and the wondrous scenery that was their garden, covered in flowers of all different colours and right at the edge a small piece of the woods.

She was sat on a picnic blanket that covered her little trapdoor, it was a gorgeous day and she had a pile of books, her sketchbook and her stele as well as a few blades. She was currently reading metamorphoses by Ovid in Latin, today was Tuesday, Latin day. After a while she put the book away and took out her sketchbook continuing with her drawing of the landscape before her, she had tried so many times in the past to capture it's essence but had always failed.

Soon her view was blocked by Jonathan.

"Hey" he said "What you doing?"

"Trying again to draw this stupid garden and failing miserably"

"Really? You're failing at drawing. Forgive me if it takes a while to understand that"

When she was younger she used to draw her brother for practice with portraits, she was sure he had a box full of pictures of him gradually getting more and more life like hidden away somewhere.

"I'm not an artist you know"

"Compared to me yes you are" she faked surprise

"Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern! Are you saying that you aren't perfect at doing something?!"

"Don't look so smug"

"Hey it's not everyday I beat you at something"

He smiled at her,

"You're better in every way that counts" he ruffled her hair and walked back towards the house.

* * *

**A/N So it was short and not my best but it's just a filler chapter again, next chapter though is going to get a little bit dramatic. I've already started writing it so it should be up soon as long as my muse and I don't get into some huge fight. It happened once and so they just left. Rude, I know.**

**So please please please review because they give me motivation to update sooner!**


	9. Knock Knock Knock Knock Knocking

**So I am like really really sorry for the long wait, but I have my reasons! Anyway, the drama is now going to come into this story now, starting at the end of this chapter, the filler's are over! WOOOO! **

**Disclaimer- I do not own The Mortal Instruments it all belongs to Cassandra Clare *cries***

* * *

It was just one week to go, one week until she finally turned sixteen, she couldn't wait, sixteen was big. Izzy had told her that in places like America some teenagers threw big parties when thy turned sixteen. She would personally never want that though, she preferred small and simple.

Still. It was pretty exciting.

She got up, jumped in the shower, tamed the wild beast that was her hair and got dressed into a white skirt with delicate gold patterns swirling all over it, a golden top with three quarter length sleeves and the locket that her brother gave her almost a year ago.

She walked down stairs with a grace that only came with being a shadowhunter, she paused at the sound of raised voices.

"I can't do it father!"

"You will do as I tell you Jonathan, do not start being disobedient now, you never were before"

"I'm not doing it"

"I'm telling you now that you are"

Clarissa decided that this would be the right time to intervene, she waited a second so that they wouldn't think she had heard anything and opened the door to the kitchen.

They both looked up at her startled.

"Clarissa"

"Good morning father, Jonathan" she smiled brightly hoping to remove some of the obvious tension in the room.

Jonathan gave her a quick glance, she could tell just from his face that he was in one of his moods, one of his moods when even she couldn't get through and it was best just to leave him alone.

He stormed out of the room, and her father turned to look at her with an obviously forced smile, clearly the argument he and Jonathan had been having was serious.

"Is he okay?"

"Yes, yes he's fine, just a little disagreement"

"What about?"

"Clarissa" he shot her a look "You know that some things are private"

"Sorry father"

"Never mind" he waved his hand "I'll be going away first thing tomorrow morning, for a while this time"

"How long"

"About a month"

"A month?! But father…"

"No buts, don't worry I'll come back to see you on your birthday" Well that was something at least

"Oh don't put Clarissa, it isn't ladylike, it's bad enough with your brother acting all miserable you will sixteen in a week, act like it"

"Yes father"

"I'm going to need you to steer clear of the house today, I have some people coming. Train in the woods or something"

"But Jonathan is in a bad mood, you can't expect me to be alone with him all day"

"Relax, Jonathan will be here, however the Lightwood's are back for the day, in their old house, train with Isabelle"

"Yes father"

He checked his watch and stood up quickly "If I don't see you by the end of the day, then I'll see you in a week. Goodbye Clarissa, I love you"

He leant down and kissed her forehead, leaving the room.

Well that was just weird.

She left the room and walked up the grand staircase and to her brothers room. She knocked quietly.

"What?!" her brother snapped

"It's me" she carefully stepped inside, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Clarissa"

"No you aren't"

"I know when you're lying to me"

"No you don't, stop acting like you know me! Stop acting like I'm a good person, like I give a damn. We both know it isn't true! Look at you, you're pathetic, you follow me around like a lost puppy, I don't want you to. Just leave me alone!"

She stood there; stunned. Never, no matter what, he had never said things like that to her, never. He had always been kind, okay so occasionally he got a bit out of line, but that was to be expected she knew how father treated him and even with the demon blood he had been nice.

He had comforted her when she fell over, washed scraped knees and put plasters on them, trained her to be the best shadowhunter she could be, and saved her life on numerous occasions, she had honestly thought that she had gotten through his icy exterior.

Was it a lie?

Did her brother hate her?

"You know what fine, I'm sorry that I ever bothered"

She left, she could pretend, but his words stung.

Screw him, she was going to Isabelle's.

* * *

**Jonathan's P.O.V**

He hated hurting her. He hated it. But he did. Because he was evil. As she left his room all he could think was that it was good, she was better off not caring about him, he had to push her away.

He had let her get too close in the past, he had made her see him as caring and kind, he made her think she could fix him but she couldn't, it was better she stop trying now before she really got hurt.

* * *

**Clary's P.O.V**

She knocked on the door, why were they here now? Not that she minded.

Alec answered the door.

"Hey!" she smiled brightly and hugged him and pulled away quickly

"Hi"

"Where's Izzy?"

"Follow the music, you'll find her"

She looked at him confused but he just grinned. He led her into the main hall and she heard it, loud music blaring throughout the house. Very loud music.

She waved to Alec and followed the music, not like she actually needed to, she knew where Izzy's room is, this place was like her second home.

She knocked, wow she was doing a lot of that today. No answer. No surprise she probably couldn't be heard, so she just went ahead and opened it anyway.

Isabelle was sat in the middle of her big bed, nodding her head to the music, there was wet nail polish on her toes, scarlet with glitter in it. She was flipping through a magazine.

"Hey" Isabelle carried on nodding her head and flipping so she sighed and walked in front of her waving her hand, Izzy looked up and a smile grew on her face,

"Clary!" she grabbed her and hugged her, turning down the music a bit, "Hi, crap, nail polish nail polish" she walked on her heels back to the bed,

"What are you doing here?"

"I dunno, mum and dad said they had some business,"

"Why didn't you come and find me?"

"Because it's early, I was going to later" She looked at the time, it was quite early, 10 o'clock

"Yeah, well the family's acting weird, dad and Jonathan got into an argument, and now they're just being strange"

"Yeah well, nothing new there"

"I guess"

"Clary don't stress out, it will give you wrinkles, sit down" she smiled "I'm going to do your nails" she gave in and sat down, eventually nails turned into makeup and before they knew it hours had gone by and the sun was going down.

Alec poked his head in the door, "Seriously Iz, the music's giving me a headache, dinner's here, staying Clary?"

"Sure"

She followed them downstairs where there was some food on the table, only little things, Alec and Isabelle were not born to be chefs.

"Maryse and Robert still not back?"

"No, not yet, but mum called me, said they should be about an hour"

"When are you going back to the institute"

"Tomorrow morning"

"Oh"

"Don't worry I'm sure we'll be back soon"

"Yeah, in like a year"

"Don't sulk, I know we're like amazing and everything, but if we don't go back then Jac is left with Hodge so…"

"Who's Hodge?"

"Our tutor,"

"Wait, I'm confused, why didn't Jace come with you?"

"He didn't want to come, just wanted to keep on training, but that's Jace, always training. Complete opposite of his parabatai over here"

"Oh so you did the parabatai ritual"

"Yeah a while ago"

"What, a year?"

"More like six"

"What?"

"What?"

"But you only met him like two years ago"

"Yeah, we kind of met him when he was like ten"

"Oh, wow that's a long time, how come neither of you told me"

"We didn't see him that often"

"Oh ok" her phone buzzed in her pocket, it was a text from her brother

'_Clary for once in your life listen to me and do _not _come home. Ok? Stay at the Lightwoods tonight, just do not come home'_

She frowned at it, like hell was she going to stay away,

"Guys I have to go" she got up and ran out, she heard them calling her name but she couldn't stop something was wrong.

She only stopped running when she arrived home.

Something wasn't right, this felt wrong. Very wrong.

Carefully she pushed open the old wooden door to a sight that she knew would never leave her mind, never. Moonlight streamed in through the windows and all over the walls of the home she grew up in was blood.

The spot on the wall she had been caught drawing on, covered in blood, photo frames containing pictures of happy times smashed and stained red. The furniture was ripped, and the place was, a mess.

There had clearly been a fight, and someone had lost, there was no way both parties had made it out alive, and then a sick thought entered her mind.

"Dad?!" she screamed, there was no answer, and then out of the corner of her eye she noticed a hand peeking out from behind the doorway, oh by the angel did she hope that the body attached didn't belong to one of the two people she loved most in this world.

Slowly she stumbled towards it, "Daddy?" she all but whispered, a trembling hand grasped the edge of the door and pulled it. All of the breath left her at once and her world came crashing down, her knees buckled and the floodgates in her eyes opened.

Her dads lifeless body was there in front of her. Oh God no.

"No. No no no no no no nonononononononononono. NO!"

She flung herself over the body, crying her heart out, she felt broken, hysterical, why was this happening to her. She let out a gut wrenching scream thinking it would help ease the pain. But it didn't, of course it didn't, she would never stop hurting, not now. She couldn't lose her father. He hadn't always been there but he was the best she could have asked for.

She scrambled to check his neck for even the weakest pulse. Maybe, maybe he was still there, maybe she wasn't going to be alone. Maybe he was okay. Maybe she would be okay.

If she closed her eyes and counted to ten he wouldn't be there when she opened them, the house would be as she'd always known it and her brother would be asking her if she was okay.

Oh no.

Jonathan. Where was he?

"JONATHAN?!" she yelled, again there was no answer. No. She could not lose him aswell, she wouldn't let that happen, she would give herself up in his place but he would not die. No.

Somehow she got to her feet, and ran to the next room it was in the same state as the one before but no body was laying on the floor, maybe that was a good sign, maybe just maybe everything would be better.

All hopes of that were thwarted when she entered the dining room, the grand table that she had eaten every dinner at was broken on the floor, every present she had received for a birthday had been laid out on that table, she had blown out the candles on every birthday cake at that table. And now it was gone, with everything else, and there lying in a broken heap right by that table, was her brother, the light had left his eyes and blood was pouring from his head in a puddle that had reached her feet and was soaking her shoes.

Breath left her and she felt like she would die, this was her brother. This was never supposed to happen. He was her older brother he was always supposed to be there, making sure she was ok, her protector, the one who would be waiting with open arms when she was hurt. When she was little he had been the one to bandage up her legs when she had hurt it badly, he had been the one who had trained her so well, at the time she had been mad, had gotten annoyed with him for being frustrating, she had complained that he wasn't being fair to her, but she knew that all of that was his way of protecting her when he wasn't there, helping her be the best she could be.

He was her everything, she had thought that no matter what happened he would always be there, to cheer her up or set her straight. He couldn't, he couldn't just leave her alone, what would happen to her, where would she go. She didn't even know anyone else.

Her eyes betrayed her and travelled back to her brothers face and somehow the tears flowed faster, and before she knew it she was on her knees in a pool of blood sobbing and weeping on her dead brothers chest. She was screaming and struggling to breathe.

After what seemed to be an endless amount of time later the tears had stopped falling, it was like she had run out, her hair was a mess, matted with sweat and her brothers blood and clung to her face, her eyes were red and puffy. She was lost in her mind.

She stayed there for even longer staring at his face, memorizing every last detail.

She didn't know what she would do next, she didn't know what would happen. But what she did know was that things would never be the same.

And neither would she.

* * *

**So I hope you enjoyed this, anyway like I said, sorry for the long wait, I was going to update 2 weeks ago because it was half term but it was my birthday so I was like, it can wait a few days, but then I found out that we are having loads of end of year tests, so that means loads of homework so I didn't have time. So I just sat down and wrote this even though it's like 9pm on Sunday and I have to get ready for school tomorrow, it sucks right?**

**Please please please review, I haven't been getting a lot for the last few chapters and I try really hard to make them good.**


	10. Tick Tick Tick

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Every second went slower then the last, it was funny, when you really wanted time to slow down it went so fast, and if you wish that it would just be over, there was never a longer experience.

Since she arrived at the institute with the Lightwoods all she had done was sleep and stare out of the window, she didn't even eat. She just spent her time falling further and further into the deep dark pit that was her mind. She never even shed a tear, it was as though she couldn't, she was now just a robot, void of any human motion.

Some say that before you die your life flashes before your eyes, but that wasn't the only time, for example ever since she found he dead bodies of the only family she ever had, lying empty on the floor, all she had seen was the black of her curtains and random snapshots in time.

"_Daddy daddy daddy! Come see what I did"_

_5 year old Clarissa dragged her father by the hand to the play room where she had tried to draw one of the horses she had seen roaming around._

_It was good, for a 5 year old and it was apparent even at this age that she would be an amazing artist as she grew older. Just like her mother, she looked like her more and more everyday._

"_It's beautiful Clarissa darling" she turned to him with those big green eyes, full of such innocence and wonder and handed him the drawing._

"_It's for you, for when you go away again" He smiled it was silly how even the smallest thing from his tiny daughter could make him feel elated whereas everything else just wasn't worthy of his time._

"_Thank you. I love it" he gave her a huge hug._

_Clary smiled as she watched the memory, it was like she was watching it, from behind a sheet of glass._

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

_A new memory swirled in front of her, she was about 8, this wasn't long before she started her training and she was out watching her brother throwing knives into a target on a tree._

"_Jonathan I'm bored!" she whined from her place on a rock_

"_Oh quit whining Clarissa"_

"_Can we play a game?"_

"_How about you help me with training, you can be my new target" she frowned at him_

"_You don't have to be mean" He flashed a grin at her_

"_Fine, I'll go by myself" she walked away in a mood and didn't notice the small wall, that ended about 4 inches above her ankle, and tripped over it, landing on a rock cutting her side and knee._

"_Jonathan!" she cried "Help me!" a sob cam out of her little body as she saw the blood coming out of her dirty knee, her brother came walking in through the leaves and when he saw her crying on the floor came running over._

"_Hey what happened?" he crouched next to her and pulled her onto his lap_

"_I-I fell; over the, the wall"_

"_It's ok, it's ok, where does it hurt, your knee?" she nodded her red curls flying everywhere_

"_Yeah, and my side" he picked her up and carried her back to the house, taking her into the bathroom, he cleaned up her knee and side and put plasters on them._

"_There you go all better" He wiped her face clean and helped her get into her pyjamas,_

"_Do you want me to tell you a story?" she nodded, sniffling a little_

"_Ok" he sat next to her, she was leaning against his side as he told her the story of Raziel and Jonathan Shadowhunter, she loved it and before he knew it she was fast asleep._

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

_Another memory came in front of her, she didn't look much different but she was wearing shadowhunter gear and her hair was tied back in a ponytail. Her brother was stood behind her, pale blonde hair blazing in the sunlight._

"_No not like that, hold it like this" he showed her how to hold the knife and again she didn it wrong. "Honestly Clarissa, it is not that hard" he grabbed her hand and adjusted her grip_

"_Oh! Like that!"_

"_Yes" now come on, centre of the target" _

"_That was so close!"_

"_No. It wasn't"_

"_It's fine, come on, lets practice your flips" After about two hours of flips she realised that this was probably her area of expertise, and not the damn knives._

"_Jonathan I'm never going to be good at this"_

"_Of course you are you just need some practice"_

"_I need more than some and you know it"_

"_Well I'll help you" And true to his word he had helped her for years until she was a pro, it turned out with the right amount of practice that she was an excellent shadowhunter, almost as good as her brother, but then again what else was to be expected of Valentine Morgenstern's children?_

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

The memory's came faster now.

_11 year old Clary sneaks into her brothers room while he sleeps and continues with her drawing of him._

_Tick Tick Tick_

_13 year old Clary finds pictures of her mother Jocelyn hidden away in her father's study and adds them to her collection of things she holds dear._

_Tickticktick_

_Izzy and Alec come running in after her finding her knelt next to the body of her brother, she doesn't even recognise him, he looks so different, his body and face cut and lacerated._

_She looks at them and sobs_

"_They're dead, they're all dead"_

_Tickticktickticktickticktick_

_Clary from a few nights ago stands there covered in blood sobbing her heart out, then looks up with eyes as black as her soul feels._

"_Look at you, you're pathetic. This is your future Clary, this is your life. Everyone is going to die and leave you. All. Alone." Then she laughs an evil laugh and her body contorts until she doesn't look like her anymore but an old woman with yellow teeth, and the flesh melts off of her bones._

She sits up with a gasp, it was just a dream, it was all a dream, then she looks around and realised that no it wasn't all just a dream, and for the first time since she arrived a tear slips out of her eye, and that opens the floodgates she starts screaming, screaming for her brother, for her father.

Izzy comes running in with Alec not far behind.

"Hey, it's ok"

"No. No it isn't. They're gone. They're dead" she says it as though she just realised, she had been in denial, but this was it they were gone, never coming back, never. Never again would she train with her brother or have her birthday wish.

Never.

Again.

She let Izzy hug her as though that was what was comforting her. But really it was the locket resting around her neck. She would never take it off. Never.

That she could keep.

Her family on the other hand.

Them she couldn't keep.

**A/N So it's short, and I'm not sure if I like it, but my laptop is well and truly broken. It's refusing to charge and it's not the charger. I've decided just to get a new laptop, but that might take a while, so I don't know how long it will be until the next update, because well, it's down to 2 percent charge, I have my phone, but I can't actually write anything on that… so yeah.**

**Little fact, her falling over a wall, happened to me last week**

**My brother said 'Lorraine, try walking with your eyes closed it's so weird'**

**So I did and I fell over a wall, I felt kind of stupid afterwards, difference between this and that, my brother just laughed.**

**Anyways, please please review, thank you everyone that did last time.**

**Oh and I don't own The Mortal Instruments or any of the characters.**


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